Bend Over

Well folks, start stretching your hamstrings, you're about to be bent over by the city again. It's that time of year...the 2009 property assessments are headed your way. Some early grumbling is starting. After many people got screwed last year with a 100% increase in assessed value the assholes in the assessors office are at it again. As property values continue to fall nationwide, the value of homes across the NOLA are on their way up, at least according to the city. Just try to sell your home for what they say it's worth.

This is not going to tickle people. At least we are getting our money's worth, right? Nagin is clearly competent, not at all smug and with him at the helm of the recovery, we should be back to normal in no time...wait, isn't it back to normal already? I lose track. I'm too busy driving streets that look like Beirut after a mortar attack, and doing soft-shoe dance routines for tourists in the Quarter for extra money to pay my Entergy bill...totally back to normal.

This has to be a plan to run people out. A massive land grab. Is there oil beneath the Lower 9th, Lakeview, Gentilly and the East that we don't know about? We could all be the modern version of the Clampets if we just stay put (That was a Beverly Hillbillies Reference for all of you that didn't waste a large chunk of your youth watching Nick at Nite). I wouldn't recommend going into your back yard and shooting the shit out of the ground hoping to find black gold, or Texas Tea (reference continues). But, if Halliburton comes knocking at your door, I would get a wee bit suspicious. Keep your head on a swivel folks. Residents around the Haynesville shale up near Shreveport are cashing in — something like $30K an acre. We could be in the petro-crosshairs right now and not even know it.

Maybe Dyan French isn't as crazy as she sounds, maybe she was on to something when she said the levees were blown...and isn't it suspicious that Blackwater just happened to arrive in NOLA shortly after the hurricane? And that they have been working for Halliburton in Iraq for years? If this is my last post, you know that I stumbled upon a massive conspiracy here.

What is a better recipe to get people off their property? Mix one part citywide devastation, with equal parts crippling insurance rates, high property tax, high murder rates, and C. Ray Fucking Nagin! That's almost enough to get even the most stalwart New Orleanian pull the eject handle.

But, they underestimated some of us. We'll wait it out. We'll keep our eye on them and stick around. Who knows there may be oil under them thar streets. We could be rich, rich I tell ya!